Shadow Work Examples: 50 Real-Life Scenarios and Solutions
Published: August 21, 2024
9 min readRelationship Shadow Examples
1. The Jealous Friend
Trigger: Your friend gets promoted and you feel jealous instead of happy.
Shadow: Disowned ambition and fear of your own success.
Work: Ask: "What success am I denying myself?" Own your ambition.
2. The Needy Partner Judgment
Trigger: You judge your partner as "too needy" and feel suffocated.
Shadow: Your own disowned needs and fear of vulnerability.
Work: Explore where you learned needing was weakness. Practice expressing needs.
3. The Controlling Mother-in-Law
Trigger: Rage at mother-in-law's controlling behavior.
Shadow: Your own need for control that you've suppressed.
Work: Find where you're controlling in subtle ways. Own your power.
4. The Unavailable Attraction
Trigger: Repeatedly attracted to emotionally unavailable people.
Shadow: Your own fear of intimacy and emotional unavailability.
Work: Explore where intimacy feels dangerous. Heal abandonment wounds.
5. The Perfectionist Partner Irritation
Trigger: Partner's perfectionism drives you crazy.
Shadow: Your own disowned perfectionist or rejected messiness.
Work: Find where you're perfectionistic or where you rebel against structure.
Workplace Shadow Examples
6. The Incompetent Boss
Trigger: Constant frustration with boss's incompetence.
Shadow: Fear of your own power and leadership abilities.
Work: Step into leadership in small ways. Own your competence.
7. The Spotlight Seeker
Trigger: Judgment of colleague who "always needs attention."
Shadow: Your own disowned need for recognition.
Work: Where do you hide your light? Practice being seen.
8. The Lazy Coworker
Trigger: Anger at coworker's laziness.
Shadow: Your own exhaustion and need for rest you're denying.
Work: Explore your relationship with rest. Where are you overworking?
9. The Yes-Man
Trigger: Disgust at colleague who never disagrees with boss.
Shadow: Your own people-pleasing or fear of authority.
Work: Find where you sacrifice authenticity for approval.
10. The Aggressive Negotiator
Trigger: Discomfort with aggressive business tactics.
Shadow: Your own disowned assertiveness and power.
Work: Practice healthy aggression. Claim your right to want.
Family Shadow Examples
11. The Irresponsible Sibling
Trigger: Resentment toward sibling who "never grew up."
Shadow: Your own disowned playfulness and freedom.
Work: Where did you have to grow up too fast? Reclaim play.
12. The Victim Parent
Trigger: Frustration with parent who plays victim.
Shadow: Your own victim mentality you refuse to acknowledge.
Work: Where do you give away power? Where do you blame others?
13. The Golden Child
Trigger: Jealousy of sibling who "can do no wrong."
Shadow: Your own disowned goodness or fear of being seen as good.
Work: Explore your relationship with praise and success.
14. The Emotional Father
Trigger: Discomfort with father showing emotions.
Shadow: Your own suppressed emotions, especially as relates to gender.
Work: Allow yourself to feel and express "forbidden" emotions.
15. The Boundary-less Mother
Trigger: Anger at mother's lack of boundaries.
Shadow: Your own boundary issues—too rigid or too loose.
Work: Examine where you merge or wall off. Find balance.
Social Shadow Examples
16. The Social Media Show-Off
Trigger: Eye-rolling at people's "perfect" social media lives.
Shadow: Your own need to be seen and validated.
Work: Where do you hide your real life? Practice authentic sharing.
17. The Spiritual Bypasser
Trigger: Irritation with "love and light" spiritual people.
Shadow: Your own tendency to avoid darkness or spiritual superiority.
Work: Embrace your darkness. Ground your spirituality.
18. The Conspiracy Theorist
Trigger: Judgment of people who "believe everything is a conspiracy."
Shadow: Your own skepticism or blind trust in authority.
Work: Question what you accept without examination.
19. The Activist
Trigger: Feeling attacked by passionate activists.
Shadow: Your own suppressed rage at injustice or complacency.
Work: Find your cause. Channel anger constructively.
20. The Materialistic Friend
Trigger: Judgment of friend obsessed with money/things.
Shadow: Your own relationship with abundance and material security.
Work: Heal poverty consciousness or spiritual superiority about money.
Personal Behavior Shadow Examples
21. Procrastination Patterns
Behavior: Chronic procrastination on important tasks.
Shadow: Fear of success, failure, or being seen.
Work: What would change if you succeeded? Meet that fear.
22. People-Pleasing
Behavior: Can't say no, overcommitting.
Shadow: Fear of rejection, abandonment, or conflict.
Work: Practice disappointing others. Your worth isn't in pleasing.
23. Perfectionism
Behavior: Nothing is ever good enough.
Shadow: Deep shame and fear of being seen as flawed.
Work: Embrace "good enough." Share imperfect work.
24. Addiction Patterns
Behavior: Compulsive behaviors (food, work, substances).
Shadow: Numbing unbearable emotions or filling emptiness.
Work: Feel what you're avoiding. Fill the void with self-love.
25. Chronic Lateness
Behavior: Always running late.
Shadow: Rebellion against control or fear of being present.
Work: Explore your relationship with time and authority.
Emotional Shadow Examples
26-30. Core Emotional Shadows
26. Suppressed Anger: "Nice" person who never gets angry → Shadow of rage
27. Denied Sadness: Always positive → Shadow of grief
28. Hidden Joy: Cynical/serious → Shadow of playfulness
29. Rejected Fear: Fearless persona → Shadow of vulnerability
30. Disowned Shame: Shameless behavior → Deep hidden shame
Body and Health Shadows
31-35. Somatic Shadows
31. Chronic Tension: Holding anger/stress in body
32. Weight Issues: Protection, visibility, space-taking shadows
33. Chronic Fatigue: Suppressed life force, depression
34. Sexual Dysfunction: Shame, trauma, power shadows
35. Digestive Issues: What can't you "digest" in life?
Money and Success Shadows
36-40. Financial Shadows
36. Never Enough Money: Scarcity programming, worthiness issues
37. Can't Hold Money: Fear of power, success, or responsibility
38. Workaholic: Worth tied to productivity, avoiding intimacy
39. Underearning: Playing small, fear of being seen
40. Money Guilt: Ancestral poverty, survivor guilt
Spiritual Shadow Examples
41-45. Spiritual Bypassing Shadows
41. "I'm Not Angry": Spiritual persona hiding rage
42. "Everything Happens for a Reason": Avoiding grief/injustice
43. "I Don't Judge": Hidden superiority and judgment
44. "I've Transcended Ego": Massive spiritual ego
45. "I Trust the Universe": Avoiding responsibility
Power and Control Shadows
46-50. Authority Shadows
46. Rebel Without Cause: Rejecting all authority → Father wound
47. Blind Obedience: Never questioning → Disowned power
48. Control Freak: Micromanaging → Fear of chaos/vulnerability
49. Doormat: No boundaries → Fear of conflict/abandonment
50. Tyrant: Dominating others → Deep powerlessness/fear
How to Work with These Examples
The Universal Process
- Recognition: "I see this trigger/pattern"
- Ownership: "This lives in me somehow"
- Exploration: "Where did I learn to reject this?"
- Integration: "How can I express this healthily?"
- Practice: "I'll embody this quality consciously"
Remember: Every Shadow Contains a Gift
These 50 examples show that shadows aren't problems to solve but parts to integrate. Your jealousy contains ambition. Your judgment contains discernment. Your triggers contain teachers.
The person who annoys you most is showing you your biggest shadow. The quality you judge most harshly is often your greatest disowned gift. The pattern you can't break is pointing to what needs integration.
Shadow work isn't about becoming perfect—it's about becoming whole. Every example here is an invitation to reclaim a lost part of yourself.
Ready to Work with Your Shadows?
Explore our Understanding Your Shadow Self Guide or discover your patterns with our Shadow Work Oracle.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: How long does shadow work take to see results?
Shadow work is not a quick fix—it's a lifelong practice of self-awareness and integration. That said, many people notice shifts within weeks or months of consistent practice. You might experience increased emotional awareness, improved relationships, or reduced reactivity to triggers relatively quickly. Deeper transformation—like healing core wounds or integrating major shadow aspects—typically unfolds over years. The timeline varies based on the depth of your wounds, your commitment to the practice, your support system, and whether you're working with a therapist. Some insights arrive suddenly in breakthrough moments, while others emerge gradually through daily practice. Focus on the process rather than timeline expectations.
Q: Can I do shadow work on my own, or do I need a therapist?
Both approaches have value, and many people benefit from combining self-directed shadow work with professional support. You can absolutely begin shadow work on your own through journaling, meditation, trigger tracking, and self-reflection. Books, courses, and guided exercises provide valuable frameworks for solo practice. However, a therapist—especially one trained in depth psychology, Jungian analysis, or trauma-informed modalities—can help you navigate deeper material more safely. Consider therapy if you're dealing with significant trauma, feel overwhelmed by emotions during shadow work, have difficulty maintaining perspective, or want professional guidance. Many people alternate between periods of solo work and therapeutic support as needed.
Q: What if shadow work makes me feel worse instead of better?
Feeling worse temporarily is actually common and often a sign that you're doing real work. Shadow work brings unconscious material into consciousness, which can initially intensify difficult emotions before they can be processed and integrated. You might experience increased anxiety, sadness, or anger as you confront avoided feelings. This is normal—you're feeling what was already there but suppressed. However, if you're feeling consistently overwhelmed, dissociating, having suicidal thoughts, or experiencing severe symptoms, slow down and seek professional support. Shadow work should be challenging but not destabilizing. Adjust your pace, ensure you have adequate support, practice self-care, and remember that integration takes time. The discomfort usually gives way to greater peace and authenticity.
Q: How do I know if I'm doing shadow work correctly?
There's no single "correct" way to do shadow work, but there are signs you're on track. Effective shadow work increases your self-awareness—you notice patterns you couldn't see before. You become less reactive to triggers over time. Your relationships improve as you take responsibility for your projections. You develop more self-compassion and acceptance of your whole self, including difficult parts. You experience greater emotional range and authenticity. You're able to sit with discomfort without immediately defending, distracting, or dissociating. If you're becoming more rigid, judgmental, or isolated, or if you're using shadow work to bypass real feelings or avoid taking action in your life, you may need to adjust your approach. Trust the process, be patient with yourself, and seek guidance when needed.
Q: What's the difference between shadow work and regular therapy?
Shadow work and therapy often overlap but emphasize different aspects of healing. Traditional therapy might focus on symptom reduction, coping strategies, behavior modification, or processing specific traumas. Shadow work, rooted in Jungian psychology, specifically targets unconscious aspects of yourself that you've repressed, denied, or disowned. It emphasizes integration rather than elimination—learning to embrace and work with all parts of yourself rather than trying to fix or remove them. Many therapists incorporate shadow work principles, especially those trained in depth psychology, Jungian analysis, Internal Family Systems, or psychodynamic approaches. Shadow work can be a component of therapy, but it can also be a self-directed practice. The best approach often combines both: therapeutic support for safety and guidance, plus personal shadow work practices for ongoing integration.
Last updated: January 15, 2025
This article reflects the latest research in depth psychology and shadow work practices.